Monday, December 16, 2013

doubt and expectation


Matthew 11: 2-6

Here we have John the Baptist; Prophet extraordinaire, Identified by Jesus as Elijah, the one who has come to prepare the way of the Lord, one of the first people to who really knows who Jesus is.  He is Jesus’ cousin.  He baptized him in the Jordan River, saw the dove and heard the voice of God declare that Jesus is God’s son, the beloved.  Of all people, John should have a very clear and unwavering opinion about who Jesus is….

And yet, we see him now, in prison.  He has spent his whole life calling people to repentance and speaking truth to power and now he is paying the price. He may have gotten away with calling the Pharisees a “brood of vipers” but he can’t get away with telling Herod he is an adulterer.   This wilderness wanderer who ate locust and wild honey and lived his life with the broad expanse of stars as his ceiling is now chained to the wall in the damp, dark dungeon prison cell and what he was once so sure of…. He now doubts.

This isn’t what he expected would happen.  He was doing God’s will after all.  He preached the coming messiah, the one who would challenge the worldly powers, separate the chaff from the wheat…. John is wheat, Herod is chaff right? So if Jesus has come, if the messiah has come, then why is John in prison and Herod celebrating with his new wife?  It doesn’t make sense! 

So John sends his disciples to Jesus to ask point blank: “Are you the one who is to come, or are we to wait for another?”

Who can blame John for doubting?  Most of us have been there, maybe we are too embarrassed to say it out loud, but we have been there.  Maybe you have always been “good”.  Following all the rules, never questioning authority, you’re in church every week and then… the promotion you have been praying for doesn’t come through and instead you lose your job, the doctor calls and the test came back positive, the white picket fence life you always dreamed of comes crashing down around you…We all have our prison experiences… we all have our moments of doubt…. It is a natural part of the journey of life and faith.

We have an expectation of life that is imbedded in us from an early age.  An idea of what we think life will be like.  We have a sense of fairness, justice, right and wrong and we feel like if we keep up our end of the bargain, God will too! 

These are our misguided expectations of what Jesus is supposed to do.  Jesus is supposed to be on our side, fit in our box, answer our prayers, bless us, make our lives easy.   John had them too.  He thought Jesus would fit in his box and that the changes he was predicting would come immediately.

Jesus did turn the world upside down, just not in the way John expected.  In the narrowness of our vision we, like John often miss the true character of Jesus.
So John wants the same answer from Jesus that we do…. Are you really the Messiah? Are you really the one who will save humanity?  Have I wasted all my time and prayers on a figment of my imagination?  Jesus are you really my savior?

Jesus could have answered with a simple Yes but, when we are in the dark, damp, lonely prisons of our lives we need more than just words.  How many of you, during a crisis has been told- everything will be OK, It’s part of God’s plan, Jesus loves you, it will all work out for the best?   

I have to admit I have probably been guilty of saying some of those things before.  It is easy to give rote responses when we don’t know what to say or we don’t know what it is like to be in another person’s shoes and although it may be true, these words are just words. 

As good intentioned as they are, when someone is deep in doubt and uncertainty, they don’t really help.  What they need is to see and experience the presence of Jesus and to remember when Jesus has been an active force in their lives and those around them. 

I know Jesus is real.  Not just because this book tells me so but because I have seen him, I have witnessed his miracles and I have felt his presence, both personally and through the lives of others. 

Jesus is sometimes easier to see during this season of Advent and Christmas.  As many people spend this time of year putting change in the Salvation Army kettles, packing food boxes for UCM, singing Christmas Carols, spending time with friends and inviting those without family to share the lonely holidays together but God also shows up in other ways all year around.
And when Jesus shows up it is often in ways and places we don’t expect. 

One example of this is Pearce, a little girl I used to work with.  She died this week, exactly two months shy of her third birthday.  To an outsider, that seems devastating, and it is, but this child and this family have experienced first-hand the love of Christ.  While she lived a very short life, she is actually a miracle baby. Like most parents I am sure her mother was full of excitement and expectation until the doctors told her the baby she was carrying would never survive.  She was diagnosed with a condition called anencephaly, meaning she had little more than a brainstem.  Before she was even born hospice had been called.  Her coming home clothes were to be her burial clothes but at birth she chose to breath, then eat, and fill her diaper… all things the doctors said she would never do. 

She became the love of Christ to her family.  Teaching all that met her and some that never knew her, unconditional love, joy, what it means to believe when everyone else doubts, milestone after milestone, adversity after adversity met repeatedly by smiles and laughter, love, family, and faith.  While the days of darkness and doubt will come, they will be able to look back and remember that Christ does exist in the miracle of the baby they were told they would never get to hold.
Words are just words.  Jesus can say he is the messiah all day long but the proof is in our experiences both the expected and the unexpected.   While John’s disciples ask a direct question they get anything but a direct answer…. Jesus tells them-Look around you, what do you see, feel, hear, and experience?  The lame walk, the blind see, the lepers are healed, the dead are raised, the good news of love and grace is preached to the poor, the hungry are fed and a little girl lived.   See these things then ask yourself, Is Jesus real?

Faith is not an intellectual decision we make.  We can study the words in the Bible.  We can tell other people what we think the words in the Bible mean.  We can give them a Bible to read for themselves but what makes Jesus real and the words in this book mean something is what we feel and what we experience as we encounter Jesus in our lives.  This is how we know Jesus is real. 
This is how we know Jesus is who he says he is.  This is where we turn when we face doubt and this is who we show others as they seek to discover who Christ is in their lives. 

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